Home PageBlogComing Out

Coming Out

Oct 13, 2013

by

In:Blog

4 comments

In order to read this post you’ll need to play this song to set the tone…

Yes, I’ve been in a cave for a long time. I’m a rather quiet, shy creature who likes to sit with her thoughts, write and take long quiet walks. When my good friend Griffin asked me if I’d entertain the idea of presenting my spiritual approach to jewelry making at a Women’s Motivational Meetup I was sure it was a good idea for my growth. I was SURE. As the time grew closer to “do” that thang I suddenly went into freak out mode. Anxiety, tummy aches…oh man, my body was in full on..cannot eat, crazed woman seeking ground shelter experience. Dark closet would do. Getting creatively desperate, I began seeking guidance from a friend or two which helped me see that I was “shoulding” myself into a place that feels many steps beyond where I actually wanted to be in my life. Now, that doesn’t mean back out and not do this thing, so…more desperate reaching out had to occur. I called Griffin and the next day she dropped everything to come over to my house for lunch and walk me through my insanity.

The lovely Griffin. This is THE BEST capturing of her essence. I love this photo of her.

me-6

Holy. Holy, holy moly. Griffin asked what she could do for me, what did I need, all kinds of thoughtful questions and answers were flying around the room. Every request was met. Which sounded like…Please be my opening act because I don’t know what the hell to say. Can we do it in interview style? Maybe include the audience a bit and make it interactive? Yes, yes, yes. We co-created a new format for me that felt much, much gentler on my system. I felt so supported by her that the fear left me. My body sloooowly began to get normalized.

IMG_1737

When “the day” came upon me I didn’t even have a stitch of stress. Hello? Where did the control freak go? The list maker? The i” dotter and  “t” crosser? The woman who matches her underpants to her outfit and organizes her shirts by color and type…okay, she’s still here. Thank God, I thought I’d totally lost myself for a second there. I got ready about an hour ahead of time. Yes, only an hour ahead. Grabbed a couple of suitcases and just started putting “stuff” in for the clay project. Originally, I was just going to bring clay and toothpicks to challenge them but at the last moment I decided on some molds. Seriously, using molds is waaay satisfying when doing something new for the first time. Instant gratification and all that. I think that idea resonated fairly well with the ladies there.
When I finally went to get into the car…I realized…HOLY SHIT! I’m not nervous. AT ALL. Not at all. Kept looking for it to come but it was gone. All I found in it’s place was the idea that I was supported. Here…my son shot me just before leaving for my first “holy crap I’m talking out loud in front of people I don’t know” experience. I was actually feeling bad ass…for no damn good reason. Trying on my best bad ass face. And still shy, but calm.

me-1

When I arrived I saw Griffin’s smiling face, hung out for a bit and did some set up. After everybody was settled down Griffin read her opening poem about Leadership and Guidance. It was a beautiful reflective piece that spoke about surrounding yourself with empowering people that can lift you up and support you. Sigh…what a great lead in.

When I got up there and started speaking all I remember is feeling calm but a bit unsure. I think Griffin said something about me being a little nervous, you know to break the ice. Something like, “If Emily passes out on the floor let’s all clap for her and tell her she’s doing a great job”. I might be paraphrasing liberally. I continued on letting them know I was checking for fangs and claws but they actually checked out okay.

Now, let me tell you the super good stuff. These ladies were a hoot!!! After the first few minutes I just felt totally at home. I set up a table with supplies, explained briefly what I do and told them to come over, get what they want to play with and go to town. I had snatched my son’s portable CD player and put some Jack Johnson on to give the room a mellow ambiance. I’m ALL about ambiance. I brought the perfect amount of EVERYTHING. Nothing was missing. There was no point where it felt like I had failed. Even when there was no rolling pin some of the ladies just grabbed their water bottles and started rolling. Now this kind of “in the moment” thinking…I LOVE. That, that right there is what it’s all about. Not being perfect. Improvising and just going with it. Oh man, that just seriously made my day. I really can’t even tell you how much I enjoyed myself. When it was over and the last table was put away Griffin turned to me and asked how I felt about my presentation. “I rocked it.” Damn, felt that way.

This experience for me is an opening into the feminine relationships that I can just feel blossoming for me this coming birth year. And this meeting came right on time. Just two days before my “birth” day. Gotta love that synchronicity.

Here’s two of my favorite supportive women. And myself.

Griffin the Great and Me.

me-7

Wendy the Wonderful and Me. (We kinda needed a third person to shoot all three of us..so, you get a three for one gallery).

me-8

Greatness and Wonderfulness together. This one is THE BEST! Awwww…love it.

me-9

I got so wrapped up in the class that I forgot to photograph the process but here are a couple of projects.

Griffin used a combination of molds and freehand texture with an old toothbrush and a toothpick. Awesome texture and color palettes.

me-4

I love how Griffin used the tools to create depressions in this completely organic and textured piece. Funky and cool. Nice on leather and paired with a black V-neck shirt… Griffin, can you see it? Hubba hubba.

me-5

Wendy made a gorgeous green (my absolute favorite color ever) pendant and a special rams horn.

me-1-2

This piece is particularly meaningful because it represents the horn of the ram that she and Griffin had that had recently passed away. I had the honor of meeting Zyphr and he was one beautiful fellow. Rest in peace Zyphr. Making jewelry that symbolizes something about a lost loved one is incredibly healing work and something I will be posting on soon in regards to losing our own pup this last summer.

me-3

Thank you to Griffin for supporting me and for running this fabulous group. Thank you to all of the wonderful women who showed up and brought their creative spirit. I had such a blast with all of you.

Oh, and I’m absolutely coming back to teach artistic, eyes open meditation next time there is a need for a speaker. I’ll be attending this group regularly as it is an open minded, open hearted, humorous group of women.

4 comments

Trackbacks and pingbacks

No trackback or pingback available for this article

Leave a Reply

X